As I mentioned in last week’s post about my mental health we had our follow-up appointment yesterday. Sorry I didn’t post last night but I needed the night to just process everything and work through it all before sharing. If you have been following along with our journey you would know this follow-up appointment was for my HyCoSy scan I had back in January. Normally our appointments make me really anxious and I struggle with handling my nerves. Even though I was still nervous and anxious all day yesterday I felt somewhat confident and reassured that we would get good news.

We had an idea of what our next steps could be based on what I was told at our scan. The nurses performing my scan had mentioned there being a procedure our fertility clinic could do to help unblock my tube. Myself and daddy bear had a conversation on whether this is something we wanted to do. We agreed we wanted to do the procedure as we aren’t ready to give up on our journey.

All our previous appointments have gone so well and our doctor has been amazing so I was shocked when she was very blunt and unsympathetic. She started off the call going through the finding of the scan which we already knew but it was helpful for her to go through them in a bit more detail. She informed me that even though they couldn’t get the dye into my tubes that isn’t a 100% defiantly that my tube is blocked. Our doctor told me the only way to know this for sure is to do the Laparoscopy procedure. She then asked if this is something we would want to move forward with to which we informed her we did.

This is where the appointment changed for us. Our doctor started telling us that the waiting list for this procedure is around a year long. This is disheartening to know we won’t have another pregnancy in at least the next year. I thought this was bad but it just got worse…

She moved on to tell us that looking at the notes from my ectopic pregnancy and the finding from the HyCoSy scan she doesn’t think she is going to be able to either unblock my tube or do anything to make getting pregnant an option for us. She explained that she could only try and unblock it if my tube was swollen and blocked which looking at my notes my tube isn’t. However, she did say even if my tube was swollen that she still may not be able to unblock it. She told us that she is pretty sure she won’t be able to unblock my only tube, my only way of having another pregnancy without needing IVF (which isn’t an option for us). This broke my heart. Finding out there’s not a huge chance of us being able to fall pregnant again. You may wonder if this changed our mind to go ahead with the laparoscopy however, as I said before I can completely let go of the idea of having another biological child until we have tried every avenue.

The whole way through this follow-up appointment our doctor kept reminding us of the fact we will have to self-fund IVF if this doesn’t work. Driving home the fact she doesn’t think this will work for us. I then asked about the endometriosis and my painful periods since having my tube removed. She was very unhelpful if I’m being honest she told me to take painkillers and if that wasn’t enough my other option was to go on the contraceptive pill “because you can’t fall pregnant so it won’t make a difference”. I could have thrown something if I’m being honest. In 1 sentence she broke my heart into 1000 pieces and completely knocked me down.

We finished the follow-up appointment by confirming we wanted to move forward with the Laparoscopy and I would continue to deal with the period pain by going on a contraceptive pill. This does mean me and Daddy bear have some big conversations and decisions to make which I will share when we are ready. As you can imagine we are heartbroken but working through everything. We will get there I know we will.

As always I’m thinking of everyone going through their own infertility journey. I’m here if you ever want to chat, rant, or just have a pair of ears to listen. You are not in this alone and we will all get there whatever our end looks like x