Yep you read that right we are going through our 3rd miscarriage. We have lost our 3rd baby since having Baby bear. I can’t believe I’m saying this, it doesn’t seem possible that this nightmare is happening to us again. All we want is a healthy Baby to add to our family, how hard can that be seriously…

So let me rewind a little as this is the first time I am writing about this pregnancy. This is because we decided when I found out this time we wanted to check everything was okay before telling everyone. We also wanted to tell our families in person when we see them in March as we would have had our 12-week scan by then. We wanted Baby Bear to surprise our family and friends as he was so excited and we wanted him to have the job. We had his top from our last miscarriage in July, which even though it had my last due date on it, I knew I still wanted him to wear to tell everyone. I still wanted to tell everyone that way.

The day we found out I had my blood drawn to check my HCG levels. They come back at 124 which my GP said was good for 5+1 weeks pregnant (I later found out it was low). Once we got that result back, Daddy bear got excited and want to tell our family so we got Baby bear into his top gave him one of my tests and rung our family to tell them our great news. Everyone was so happy for us, we felt so good and positive about this pregnancy. We took a picture that night to send to our friends and so I could include it in our announcement we would make once we had our first scan to check Baby was okay.

Miscarriage sucks
Our strongest positive yet.

We never got to do that instead I’m using it in the post about loosing our sweet baby.

Proud Big Brother.
Proud Big Brother.

After 4 days of pure bliss in our own little bubble, I started bleeding again. Our world came crashing. Our bubble popped. We head over the hospital to be told our urine pregnancy test taken there was very faint so they thought it was a suspected miscarriage and that we need to go back for a blood draw and scan to check everything was okay as I had no pain just slight bleeding. After the worst 2 days waiting, it was finally time to go to our appointment over the hospital and get checked. I was so nervous everything wasn’t going to be fine. However, we made it to 6+1 weeks pregnant, I was so excited to make it so far, surely that was a good sign. First I had my blood drawn to check my HCG levels again. I started to have pain with my bleeding, I had a pit in the bottom of my stomach I knew deep down it wasn’t going to be good news.

My gut was right. My HCG had dropped from 124 to 56 in a week. It was confirmed we were losing our 3rd baby. They had to scan me anyway to check the pregnancy wasn’t anywhere it wasn’t meant to be. Just like last time, we couldn’t see anything. Our hearts broke, our dreams we had were crushed. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This couldn’t be happening to us again, but it was. The nurse dealing with us informed us that because this is our 3rd miscarriage we can now be referred to the recurring miscarriage unit for them to run some tests on me and Daddy bear to see if there is anything causing this to keep happening and if there is anything they can do to help us.

Today we had our final blood draw to check my HCG was dropping as it was meant to be. After a week my HCG levels have dropped from 56 to 3 so we have been discharged and can now go to our GP for the referral. We are devastated and completely heartbroken but we are so ready to find out some answers to why this keeps happening to us.

One of the hardest parts of all of this was explaining it to Baby bear, he was so excited for the baby and all the changes that were to come. He doesn’t understand why mumma is so sad and why there isn’t a baby anymore. We keep explaining it to him as much as we can and I know he will be okay and soon stop asking.

I don’t know whats going to happen next in our story but I will keep you all updated and hopefully soon we can finally fulfill our dream of adding another baby to our family.